Smells Like Desperation and Hawaiian Tropic

Summer has dawned warm and bright in West Beverly.  What kinds of hijinks are our favorite high schoolers up to?

Ethan is maintaining his affable, good-boy charm.
Naomi is perfecting her nostril flares every day with a personal trainer.
Liam is working on his Zoolander-esque brooding pout (Blue Steel, anyone?)
Silver is not eating; studying her catechism and writing in her mood journal.

And what about Miz Wilson?  For our Annie, summer only means one thing, for what does this little minx enjoy more than ill-colored lipstick, Jessica Simpson Hair ‘Do Extensions and Dr. Pepper?  Well, not much really, but ranking above all is a trip to the water park.

As such, Annie has spent her summer touring the greatest American water parks.  The pinnacle of all such aquatic amusements?  The hallowed Schlitterbahn.  After spending several hours braving the heights of many slides and rides, the fearless Wilson decides it’s time to take a well-deserved break in the wave pool.

As she settles herself in for a relaxing dip in the 9021H20, Annie feels a slight tugging sensation.  Startled, she makes a spastic (and overacted) spin, which only makes the pulling more pronounced.  Horrified she watches as her $9 weave becomes more and more tangled in the wave pool’s jets.  Unable to disengage herself from the angry jet, she helplessly (and hopelessly) signals for a lifeguard.

Unfortunately, help arrives too late for our young ingenue.  In her honor, Schlitterbahn renames their lamest attraction “Annie Wilson’s Locker.”  God rest her poorly accessorized soul.

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